Cancelled…

Today is Cycle Day 18. Feeling optimistic, I dressed in lovely white linen pants and a vibrant sea blue top.  Jade and I spend a little more time than normal cuddling in bed this morning.  I went to Dr. M’s office expecting to hear that my body had made some progress.  As always, the receptionist was warm and welcoming.  I paid my $30  co-pay and proceeded back to the lab to have my morning chat with the phlebotomist, Jason, whom I’ve grown quite fond of in recent went weeks.  We discussed our respective Memorial Day weekend plans and my love of tea and scones.  It was any other day.

Fran, Dr. M’s nurse, met me in the ultrasound room to conduct another check of my ovaries.  As always, Fran walked me through everything she saw on the scan:  7mm uterine lining, multiple follicles on my left and right ovaries.  Sadly, Fran noted that neither follicle on my ovaries have made any progress and that Dr. M has mentioned that it may be time for me to consider injectable gonadotropins since my body was responding poorly to the letrozole.  She assured me that she would call me with more information after she reviewed my Estradiol results and spoke with Dr. M and noted that it is highly likely this cycle will be cancelled as I have no mature follicles.

I thanked her graciously, dressed quickly, and exited that fertility clinic.  Frantically I called Jade who was unable to attend this appointment with me.  I soon as I heard her voice, I broke down and became a sobbing mess.  I am so angry that I can’t seem to get my body to behave.  I phoned my mother who shared in my disappointment.  She asked why Jade and I haven’t considered adoption.  I quickly confirmed that Jade and I discussed it, however, in our closed-minded bible belt community, we cannot do a joint adoption of a child and sole adoption in difficult when you are co-habitating.

I cried all the way to work.  I cried at my desk.  I avoided eye contact with my colleagues and retreated to my desk to throw myself into work rather than answer a single question about how I am doing.  Fran called me a couple of hours later and confirmed that Dr. M has cancelled this cycle and would like to schedule an appointment with me and Jade to discuss injectable medications with IUI.

Injectables?  At best, injects will likely increase our monthly expenses for TTC by $1,000 by all estimates since my insurance does not cover fertility medications in any form or fashion.  So, to recap, if we continue TTC by IUI and using injectables, our monthly expenses will look something like:

• Donor Semen:  $665
• Injectable Meds:  $1,000 (minimum)
• Monitoring:  $120
• TOTAL:  $1,785 minimum per month

IUI has a success rate of approximately 15 – 20% per cycle so realistically, it could take 4 attempts if we are successful at all, bringing our total cost to $7,140.

So I’ve been thinking (which is always a dangerous thing for me to do)…

With IUI having such low success rates and considering my personal poor reaction to ovulation induction medications, perhaps Jade and I should explore the possibility of IVF.  I know to some of you it seems we are jumping the gun but I just don’t want to shell out $7,000+ to ultimately have to end up at IVF anyway.   The average cost of IVF in my area is between $5,900 – $10,000.  For Jade and I, that is a large sum of money.  We are very blessed to not really financially struggle but that doesn’t mean we are sitting around with thousands in the bank. Coming up with an extra $1,000 per month will be a struggle so the idea of generating enough funds to cover IVF is overwhelming to me.  Jade is so supportive   She has agreed to go with whatever I think.  The problem is, I’m not entirely sure what I think.  I just know that I am destined for motherhood and I am willing to do whatever it takes.  I just hate giving up so easily.

Dr. M, I sure do hope you have some concrete recommendations for our appointment in July…