Life’s a Little Crazy…

Ten Days.

I have ten days until Jade and I move from our lovely two bedroom semi-urban condo into a house in “the country”.  To be fair, the area we are moving to isn’t that far removed from where we live now.  It’s exactly 15 miles south and in a quaint, small town.  The problem is, the vibe of the area is very different from where we live now.  The area is quieter.  It’s not nearly as accessible (think two lane road into and out of town).  There aren’t many of the conveniences we are used to having.  There are only two restaurants, two pharmacies, and two grocery stores.  We are used to having no less than 25 restaurants within a three-mile radius.  I’ve been spoiled by having a Fresh Market, a Publix, a Winn-Dixie, and a Whole Foods within a five-minute drive.  Our condo is right off of a main thoroughfare.  But, there is a season for everything.  And it is time for us to move.

Anne’s health is failing.  She is becoming less mobile and less coherent.  She is heavily reliant on the use of pain medications.  The woman I have grown to love over the past nine years is waning.  It is truly sad to see.  Her birthday was last week and per her request, we went to Red Lobster to celebrate.  While in the restaurant, she looked so small and frail.  It’s heartbreaking really.  Anne’s daughter, Farrah, is having a hard time with processing that her mother is likely going to die within the next year.  Anne and her husband, Greg, have started making funeral arrangements which is simply overwhelming to Farrah.  I am doing my very best to be a good sister-in-law and friend to both Anne and Farrah.

With everything going on, in many ways, I feel selfish for even thinking about having a child.  I am focusing my energy on getting through this move and being a support person for this family during such difficult times.  But still, the desire to have a child lingers and I’m a bit bitter that I have to put it on the back burner, especially when we were so close last time.  My body isn’t cooperating.  Today is cycle day 26 and there are no signs pointing to ovulation.  I suppose it doesn’t matter since we won’t be trying this month anyway.  But still…. what woman doesn’t want to know that her reproductive system functions properly at 30 years old?  A little reassurance goes a long way.

And so, life moves forward.  We’re all just along for the ride.

P.S. To my new readers, by request, I’ve added a page that gives a brief overview of each of the people in my world.  You can find it here.  And thanks for following me!

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3 thoughts on “Life’s a Little Crazy…

  1. Cancer is so awful. I mean, that’s putting it kindly. My heart goes out to you and Ann’s husband and daughter-all of you really, as the supporters need support themselves. I hope the new location is peaceful and brings with it unexpected benefits (aside from the very obvious ones). As for ovulation, I wish there was a way we could really know what would going on inside our bodies. It would make things so much easier. I mean, seriously. Get with it ovaries.

  2. Don’t feel guilty for wanting a child. You have invested so much into it, and deserve to be happy too. We moved from downtown to the ‘burbs and it was a huge shock (for me). You find your “places”, even if you have to drive a distance to get there. You may sleep better because there will be less noise- and good sleep is essential to fertility health! Good luck!!

  3. I’m am so sorry to hear about the difficulties with Anne and the family. I know it’s stressful but you can’t feel guilty. I know you will feel guilty, but you shouldn’t. I know that Anne would want you to be thinking of your future and your happiness, I’m sure I would if I was in her position. You have invested so much time, money, and emotion into this and I know she wouldn’t want you to suffer on her behalf. I’m sending you lots of hugs and happier moments, sweetie! Here’s to hoping you get less stressful days in the near future.

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