Losing Sleep…

“The night is the hardest time to be alive and 4am knows all my secrets.”
― Poppy Z. Brite

I haven’t slept through the night since Sunday.  There is just too much on my mind.  This is a big step we are taking.  I don’t doubt for one second that this is the course my life was meant to take.  I was meant to meet Jade when I did.  I was meant to surround myself with supportive people.  I am meant to be a mother.  I just can’t seem to quiet my mind at night.

Have you ever visited a sperm bank’s online catalog in search of your child’s father?!  It is quite an overwhelming process.  What are the determining factors?  What do we look for in a “mate”?  The bank we’ve chosen provides a great deal of detail about their donors.  Some of the information includes:

  • Date of Birth
  • Marital Status
  • Number of Children
  • Religion
  • Occupation
  • Blood Type
  • Ethnicity
  • Race
  • CMV status
  • Reported Pregnancies
  • A written essay
  • Physical Attributes (height, weight, eye color, hair color, hair texture, hair loss, hairy chest, dominant hand, freckles, shoe size, dimples, etc.)
  • Personality & Interests
  • Education Information
  • Birth Information (weight, length, etc.)
  • Photos (adult & child)

Basically, it is extremely overwhelming.  I don’t think I have ever put this much thought info anything in my life!  Currently there are over 300 active donors.  But there is hope!  Jade and I spent hours pouring through profiles, viewing adult photos, and eliminating potential donors for one reason or another until we narrowed our choices down to just 4.  And there is one in particular with whom I am particularly smitten.  My sweet Jade seems to have really come around.  I think attending the consultation made all the difference in the world and she is so engaged now.  I am one lucky girl.

Maybe with this decision complete, I’ll be able to get some sleep…

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4 thoughts on “Losing Sleep…

  1. Blimey. I hadn’t considered before how difficult it might be to choose a sperm donor. I guess this is something that I, a straight woman, takes for granted. How do you choose by scientific data, photos, and personal essay alone?

    I’m so glad I found your blog — for all sorts of reasons! But today I am glad I found it because I am learning something of the struggle that lesbian couples go through. Thank you for making me think.

  2. Blimey. I hadn’t considered before how difficult it might be to choose a sperm donor. I guess this is something that I, a straight woman who has so far not needed to go the IVF route, takes for granted. How do you choose by scientific data, photos, and personal essay alone?

    I’m so glad I found your blog — for all sorts of reasons! But today I am glad I found it because I am learning something of the struggle that lesbian couples go through. Thank you for making me think.

  3. Thanks for stopping by my blog. I love finding new blogs of women, especially lesbian couples, who are just starting out or have started their journey. It is the longest, most emotional, and exhausting journey, no matter how you go about it. In the end, that sweet little one is worth it. My partner and I did the sperm bank browse, and it is incredibly overwhelming. In the end, we didn’t need it, but I definitely understand why you would be overwhelmed!

  4. I found it such a weird thing to do! All we knew at the start was that we wanted someone with my colouring, and then as time went on we found other things influenced our choice – occupation, education (we decided we wanted someone university educated) and all sorts of other stuff.

    What was really bizarre is that, while our bank thinks spending a hundred quid on train tickets might be fraud, spending a couple of grand at a Danish sperm bank was totally fine!

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