“We are homesick most for the places we have never known.”
― Carson McCullers
I am utterly in love with my niece, BrightEyes. Since Jade now nannies for both Baby Cutie Patootie and BrightEyes, I get to spend a few precious moments with each of them everyday. BrightEyes arrives early in the morning so she and I make it a point to have our one-on-one time singing our special “Good Morning” song daily. Baby Cutie Patootie stays late so she and I have our one-on-one time reading and playing every evening when I return home from work. I love both of these girls so deeply that it is hard to imagine conceiving our own child and loving him or her any more than I love my girls.
My heart aches to become a mother. I have never been more sure of anything in my life. It is a form of torture to watch people around you welcoming children into their lives. My favorite cousin, Mimi, is having a baby girl of her own early this summer. It almost feels like I am standing still while everyone else is moving forward with their lives. Inside my heart, I am truly longing for the chance to become a mother. I feel it in my core and I see it in my dreams. Soon, we will be making plans to meet a Reproductive Endocrinologist. I just pray they tell me that I have decent odds of conceiving and carrying a child to term. I will be absolutely devastated if they aren’t optimistic about my odds.